She was awake on her bed on a Monday morning. Only after 10 minutes did she realise that she had just been staring at the ceiling and thinking randomly. She was at that phase where nothing really made sense. She was happy and sad. She was hopeful but also without hope. She was in a purgatory. That absence of emotion felt too emotional. She would stay focused one day. But she'd be lost like a puppy the next day. She would vow to never talk to that one guy ever again. But she'll find herself texting him the next moment. She would go jogging continuously for a week. But later she would just veg out on her sofa. She would give a perfect presentation but would blank out in a test. She wouldn't touch a drink one evening but would get high the other night. Even at that moment, she wanted to get up and attend lectures. But she felt like every cell in her body had died. She just slept there with eyes open for another 15 minutes thinking into the abyss. Despite everything that she rambled in her brain, she caught herself smiling. She was self-aware of her weirdness and she embraced it. That acceptance of being aware of your mess and actually having the ability to laugh over its impracticability was something remarkable for her. Her smile turned into a snort and then into a laugh. In that moment, she was brave and independent. She was crazy and happy. That moment gave her the spirit to go on no matter what. That moment became the moment of enjoying the mess.
(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)