Monday, 25 April 2016

It Really Does Get Better. (Monday Moments #48)

          She opened her eyes to the sight of her husband and daughter peacefully sleeping next to her. It was a Sunday. No one was up yet. She was awake and just lying on the bed. She looked at them and couldn't help but smile. It was one of those moments where her life was perfect. Life had been rough for her. And she never thought things would turn out to be as they did. The girl who was anxious to talk to people, was now Human Resources Manager in the company she always loved. The girl who thought wasn't good enough for anyone was married to the love of her life. The girl who hated kids now had a daughter. The girl who never understood the difference between friends and frenemies, now knew better. She thought about how she used to lead her life by some quotes, TV shows and books. Now, she wrote her own words, spoke her own mind and lived freely. She caressed her husband's head. She kissed her daughter's cheek. As she was arranging the pillows, she remembered how she used to hug them and sleep. She remembered the many nights she cried herself to sleep. And now that that part of her life was over, she was glad. She never would have thought life had so much in it for her. If only she could tell her past self that it really does get better. You just have to hang in there.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Monday, 18 April 2016

Existing or Living? (Monday Moments #47)

          Sitting relaxed on a comfortable swing chair facing the beach, he was wondering about his life. He thought about the time when he was a kid. Growing up was the only thing he wanted. And now that he was a 50-year-old adult, all he wanted was to be a child. He was having drifting thoughts lately. They were about his life. How it was supposed to turn out and how it actually did. He remembered how when you need something really you could do just about anything to achieve it. And once you have achieved it, you don't even enjoy it. It's just like those toys. As a child he would cry for weeks for a toy. When he got it, he would play with it for a day and then just keep it away. It's just like when he secretly loved a girl who was in a relationship. And when she broke up with her boyfriend, he thought, "What did I see in her anyway?" All his life he observed that human beings plan a lot, run behind things which we're not even sure we want and just exist. That's not living. That's just existing. When in school, we want to go to college. When in college, we want to work. When we work, we enjoy our early years. When we have worked for what seems like 50 years, we finally think.We open our brain and allow it to wander. What has my life been about? What am I doing? Do I want to live this way? Do I even want to live in this country forever? Do I want to do this job forever? Do I want to live with this person forever? All these questions kept him awake at night. From the dream of being a travel writer to actually becoming a corporate machine. When did that happen? Was he living or just existing? When he found these answers, he was already on the Malibu beach writing about his travel experiences. And that time he knew he was living. 

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Monday, 11 April 2016

Her Moments During The Day. (Monday Moments #46)

It was 5 AM. It felt peaceful. The entire half of the world seemed to be asleep. Such early mornings give her immense happiness. It's like there was only her. There were no people. All the problems that existed seemed to have taken a break at these times. No sound of traffic. No sunshine. No talks. It's only her and 5 AM. She enjoyed the time as it decides to pass rapidly. This is how she was at 5 AMs. It was a 5 AM bliss moment.

Then there was another time of the day. 10 PM. At these times, she was usually not sleepy but tired. She was anxious yet laid-back. It's that time when everyone is awake and there's constant chatting; the pointless banters. She hated such times. 10 PMs should be either for partying or for sleep. There's no point staying awake at home at this time. They might as well destroy you by building anxiety. It was a 10 PM anxious moment.

And then there was 2 AM. Everyone loves these. These are the romantic times for poets and writers. There's some magic in these that's not present any time else. People bond in those 2 AMs. These are the times where people fall apart silently in their own beds. These are the times when people confess their love. These are some magical times. It was a 2 AM hopelessly fallen in love moment.

Her days weren't like these every day. But, these were emotions she attached to every time. And just then she was wondering about the 4 PMs when she shut her laptop to leave her office. It was a 4 PM freedom moment.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

A Ranting Session.

          There are days which suck to the core. Not one thing fits into place. You don't get the things you really want. There are no people to talk to because you're pissed off at all of them. And the ones you need aren't conveniently there for you. The TV shows that crack you up fail to even bring a smile and so does music. The happy stories in books only remind you of how sad and non-perfect your life is. You're just tired, sleepy and frustrated. Sounds familiar? Of course it does.

          It may be about your office or college. It may be about your friends or family. It may be about your boyfriend or girlfriend. It may be about your dog or cat. And once one thing is off, every little thing sets you on rage. Sometimes it seems unlikely how so many unfortunate events can happen to one person. But, shit happens. Part of life. You move on.

          The other day I was at home all day. Forgetting that exams are nearing, I binge watched 'The Big Bang Theory' the entire day. At that time multiple things set me off. Wi-Fi network problems, the sucky Snapchat update, water cut, no contact with best friend, nothing to eat, inability to get up and cook because of laziness are just a few. 

Stages to get out of the sad-leave-me-alone-no-one-loves-me zone :

1. You can't.

2. If you try too hard, you'll just feel more helpless than before.

3. The giving up stage of acceptance.

4. Feeling better when you have eaten up all the negativity humanly possible.

5. Normalcy. Actually thinking how lame the entire thing was.

          So I guess, the start of this post was that I'm not getting out of it. Then it changed to why am I even venting like this? Then it went to me feeling almost normal. Almost, mind you. What's your way to get out of the sad and depressed zone?
I don't usually post such stuff but it sure helps. Thanks for listening. You can rant whatever that's bothering you in the comments below!

Monday, 4 April 2016

Powerless. (Monday Moments #45)

          He was going through a tough time. His mother was acting really different for some time now. She called him by her father's name. She just zoned out sometimes. She forgot where she kept something time and again. That day she wasn't able to recollect what happened last week. So, her son took her to the doctor. After some tests, the obvious was out in the open. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. It was unbearably difficult for him to deal with it. His mother who taught him how to identify alphabets, had trouble understanding them. His mother who took him everywhere now had to be accompanied by him. His mother who listened to his rote answers for exams, was now at a loss of words. It was unbelievable and very painful. They both were home that evening. He said, "Mom, do you remember the time I went to my college industrial visit? You were so worried that I might get into trouble but it ended up being the most amazing trip." She was staring into the distance. After a while she replied, "Excuse me, what? Do you know who is that person in the photo frame?"
A tear rolled down from his eye. His mother was looking at her husband's picture and asking who he was. The son couldn't hold it within him. He started crying. He idolised his parents. Theirs was the only love story he adored. And now, his mother was cluelessly looking at her dead husband's picture wondering who he actually was. The son felt totally powerless. He just wanted his mother back. There was nothing in his power to get him his mother back. His mother was right in front of him but she had drifted farther away. At that moment, he knew nothing would ever be the same.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

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