Monday, 24 April 2017

A Break.

         I have been blogging for over 2.6 years now and it has been an amazing journey. The girl who only scribbled in her diary about her boring life became the girl who published short stories that people could relate to. The amateur diary scribbler became a successful blogger. I never thought I'd be able to keep up with the blog for as much time as I have and now there's no looking back.

          I have written some personal stuff on my blog. But, I stopped those because I realised that no one needed to hear my story. I have written a few travel posts. But, that took a stop too because I get to travel only once a year. I wrote a lot about books and their reviews. But, over the last 2 years, I have read less than I used to read in just one month. But, most of all, I have written stories every Monday for the past 100 weeks. And now that I have achieved a landmark of 100 posts on my Monday Moments series, I want to pause and breathe. I want to celebrate how far I have come. I want to bring some changes in my writing and also on my blog. I do not want to stop writing Monday Moments because this was the only reason that made my Mondays worth of joy. So, no. This is not the end. This is going to be just a break until I can stop for a while and decide how to make myself better and how to make my blog better.

          Maybe I'll come up with more stories or a new series. Maybe I'll get the courage to travel solo and write some travel posts which I absolutely love to do. Maybe, or rather, hopefully I'll get back the love for my books and I start writing those reviews. Or maybe I'll decide to write full time. I really don't know. But, the one thing I am positive about is that I hope I'll find myself again in this exploration stage of becoming a writer that I want to be.

See you soon, readers. Stay with me.

Monday, 17 April 2017

Why Me? (Monday Moments #100)

Recently I watched '13 Reasons Why'. Obviously, it touched my heart and made me think. Before watching it, I had decided what my 100th post would be about and this just gave me reason enough. My earlier post was about love and the one before that was about friendship and earlier I have written posts about self-love as well. So, here goes the 100th one about mental illness.


Every time she felt like staying home, she took the decision not to.
Every time she decided to decline a party invite, she took the decision not to.
Every time she thought of taking pills, she took the decision not to.
Every time she wanted to cry it out, she took a decision not to.
Every time she could've had a breakdown, she took a decision not to.
And because of every decision not to do it, every time she died a bit inside.

But, what was her fault? What was her fault that no one understood her? What was her fault that people made fun of her for something she couldn't control? What was her fault that everything just sucked? What was her fault that she had to go through it all alone? What was her fault for any of it?

She might laugh around people and crack existential jokes. That doesn't make her dark. That could be her way of using humour to deal with depression.

She might not portray her emotions all the time and might leave people in the middle of things. That doesn't make her weird. That could be her way of dealing with social anxiety disorder.

She might double check everything and she might not stand a spelling mistake. That doesn't make her rude. That could be her way of dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder.

She might not easily open up to you or might not want to do adventurous things. That doesn't make her a loner. That could be her way of dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.

She might be a chatter box and talk about everything. That doesn't make her a gossip. That could be her way of using people as something to deal with her pain.

She might be erratic. She might be selfish. She might be hard to comprehend. She might be a million different things. But, how you treat her is what she is finally going to be. You treat her kindly and she might get a reason to live. You treat her cruelly and you might take away her reason to live.

At the end of the night, her pillow is wet and in the morning her eyes sore. In the middle of the crowd her heartbeats are racing and in front of a crowd, her voice is mute. On the body are some unexplained cuts and in the soul are some unexplained pieces. At work, she has a fake smile and at home she has real tears. But at every moment, there is a constant question at the back of her head, "Is it all even worth it?"

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Monday, 10 April 2017

Unambigious Deviations. (Monday Moments #99)

          They met on an online dating site and decided to meet for a first date without much meaningless texting. Instead of any usual first dates, they decided to do something else, something fun. They ditched the classy meal at a 5 star restaurant which involved sharing pleasantries, talking about the weather and cracking jokes they read on internet which could be used as ice breakers. Instead, they decided to go for Chinese takeout, sitting and eating in his truck, eating ice cream and going for a long walk in the Central Park while discussing what brought the shine in their eyes and what made their heart skip a beat. With the right people, this would work. And since they both were very excited about it, it naturally worked. 

          She was a cute 5'2'' heighted woman who wore black dress, let her grizzly hair down while she wore red high heels to match her wild personality. He was a tall and handsome man who wore a blue shirt to make his blue eyes more evident. He had blonde hair and fair complexion with a swimmer's body. She looked like a pessimistic night while he looked like an optimistic day. But, that wasn't the only difference...

          She told him how she had given up on men and being 32, this was going to be her last attempt at finding a partner. The brave woman in her told him how she would have no problem in living alone for the rest of her life. The kind woman in her told him how she did not want to have any kids. The passionate woman in her told him how she wanted to travel the world and never settle down. Instead of investing in an apartment in NYC, she wanted to invest in experiences and memories in different countries and make the world her home.

          And then, he told her how he could never live like her. The decent man in him told her how he needed people in his life and living alone would be worse than being unemployed or broke or homeless. One of his passions included having a family with many children. The devoted man in him told her how the thing that sparked him was stability in his life. The honest man in him told her how he would rather invest in an NYC apartment, stay in an average job in the same city around his family and focus on the little things and make one little home.

His want for stability conflicted with her want for travel.
Her want of living alone conflicted with his want of living around many people.
His want for a simple and corporate job conflicted with her want of being a travel writer.
But, her interest in him had no chance of conflicting his interest in her. After all, opposites attract.

          Later in the evening, she told him the story that made her decide on her career. He could empathize. He told her the story behind why he just wanted to be a common man. She could empathize. They talked about their love for books, music and Netflix. They talked forever and yet they never ran out of things to tell each other. It wasn't awkward. It was comfortable and lovely. 
After their long walk in the Park, they slept under the stars and discussed their fears. She feared that if she'd be with someone, she'd lose her independence. He talked about how he feared Alzheimer's disease. But, they both feared to be in love with someone where there was no future.

          When it was almost morning, they understood how they had no realisation how fast time had passed. They went to grab some coffee and have some serious discussion. It wasn't even essential to say it. It was clearly out there. They could easily love each other and have the kind of life that love stories are written about. But also, it wouldn't work because it'd involve compromises and resentment which would ultimately lead to a dull life. They stepped out and headed to different directions. But then, something was missing. They looked back at the other, came closer and kissed. They held each other for what seemed like infinity. It felt like they were soul mates but they had to search their own souls first. Finally, they went their own ways with some smiles, some tears and also some hope. She decided to keep this date as a last beautiful date and remember him as a caring man who would settle down with someone and that'd be enough to make him happy. And, he decided to think of himself first and to remember her as the fierce single-by-will woman who could grab some stars and that'd be enough to make her happy.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

What Best Friend Is For. (Monday Moments #98)

          In the middle of their drinks conversation, Susan said, "I want to see you happy. And Ashton makes you happy." After listening to this, at that moment, Ashley said, "No. Look at me now. I'm insanely happy right now and that's only because of you, Susan. Ashton... He has rarely made me happy. He makes me sad more than the times you had made me happy. And that's saying something."

          And just like any other drinks conversation, this little chat would also be forgotten, but in that moment, Susan and Ashley both understood what they meant for each other. Even a minor thing that Ashton would do for Ashley would make her gloat with happiness and even though she knew that wouldn't last, she'd make herself happy. And even a minor thing that Susan did for her, was just what she did every other day because that’s just how it is.

          With her boyfriend, she had to make herself happy. But, with her best friend, happiness flowed without any thought, without trying. That's what best friends are for. They love you for all your crazy ideas and immature actions. They love you even when your priorities change and even when your personality changes. They love you even if you leave them or even when you stay. They love you even when you want to be left alone and even when you want to go for a party. They love you whether you talk daily or after months. Best friend’s love is the constant you have in your life. A best friend loves you, regardless. A boyfriend loves you, terms and conditions applied. So, yeah, that’s what a best friend is for. For everything.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

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