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Sunday, 8 April 2018

You Still Have Time. (Diary Logs #15)








Hello Readers! This post is one of those posts which just came to me while walking on the metro station. It may sound bizarre and random because it is.









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I was walking home one day last week by my usual route. It had been one of those hectic days involving a lot of stress. I think I left office at around 9:30 PM and with me, I took a lot of wavering thoughts. I was worried about work & reviews as it was March end. I wanted to fly to another state to see my best friend & wasn't sure how it will work out at home. I was getting these migraine attacks a lot of the time. So basically, my day started & ended with a headache. While I was lost in all these troubles, I saw a particular advertisement at the metro station. There are a lot of advertisements that were up along the way. There are usually some Bank hoardings or about some new movie or the latest Netflix sensation. That day I saw a board on which was written, "You still have time." It must have probably been an insurance ad or something. But, only those 4 words caught my attention.

And then, I got lost in another trail of thoughts. It was March end, but I still had time to prove myself. A couple of weeks can sure make a difference if I'm positive. And yes, I can get a permission from my parents to visit my best friend. I'm an adult now and can take care of myself sensibly. And yes, there's nothing much I can do about migraines, but I can try to eat healthy and stuff. I can write more, read more, live more. I can do what ever I want to do.

I still have time.

Just a couple of days went and I have done so much more. And that feels purely amazing!
Those 4 words inspired me so much, that I have already started writing again. I started & finished reading a new book - 'Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda'. I also write a review on it! I did get permission from my parents & I'm going to see my best friend next month! (We are literally counting down the days!) I cut off my hair and made it really short. I had always wanted to do that, but this time, I just did it! It was so simple. With this look, I finally feel like I'm the female lead in my own movie. I feel good & positive. I'm doing better at achieving my daily and weekly targets. For the first time ever since I started working, I had a pleasant Monday.

I still have time,

Saturday, 31 March 2018

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. (Mindscape Reviews #5)




Hello Readers!
It all began when I saw this tweet some time back. I'm not sure who had written it, but it had an overview of 'Love, Simon'. It was written, "Don't Let this movie become a flop." I did some research after reading that. And that's how I found out about the book Simon vs, the Homo Sapiens Agenda. And after 2 days, here I
am done reading it and writing its review! 






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Introduction: 
In Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the protagonist is Simon (obviously) and this is a story of his coming out as gay along with a cute love story. There are many ups and downs along the story line. The nice part is that it's easy to read. It seemed a bit more on the young scale than a Young-Adult.

About Author: 
The author, Becky Albertalli does a good job presenting the whole story. From a YA standpoint, it's even good, if you like to read happy things. She has managed to make it multi-faceted, funny and interesting. The writing is very simplistic as is the story. It has a normal bell curve, meaning that it starts well, then there are heartbreaks and burnout, and then it ends well. It's fun for light reading.  I have already started reading her book, 'The Upside of Unrequited' because I do enjoy light reading at times. 

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Characters: 
Simon:
Simon is like your boy next door. He's friendly and cute. He has a lot of people who he calls friends, but he barely knows anything real about them. But, he cares deeply about a few people. If it is in fact his mistake, he knows that and tries to correct it. He is such a sweetheart of a people-person that it's impossible to not like him.

The Friends:
Nick is SImon's closest and also oldest friend. They have known each other since they were 4 year olds. So, there was supposed to be a strong bond shown there. But, there aren't much heart-to-hear conversations or even your typical guy discussions that happen between them, which was a bit weird. I guess the main focus was on the 2 girl best friends - Leah & Abby. Leah is the girl best friend. She's pretty, smart and has a thing about priorities. She has had a crush on Nick for a long time. So, when Abby comes into picture, she gets jealous easily. Not only is she a great friend, she is also super talented. And then, Abby is this really cool chick who has joined school just 4 months ago and has become a part of Simon's tighter friend circle. She's honest, caring, kind-hearted. While Leah might sometimes come off as bitchy, Abby always comes off as sweet. Nonetheless, I can't decide who I like more. They are both awesome female characters and I loved both of theirs personalities.

Blue:
bluegreen118 (Blue) is his account name and Simon's (Jacques) is hourtohour.notetonote. Their email exchanges are always a new chapter and I found myself awaiting those chapters. It's amazing how precise Blue is. He is careful, a Grammar nerd and he also is very sensitive. Almost all of the time, he says how he doesn't want to meet Jacques in person because he was afraid. He figures out who Jacques is which leaves Simon vulnerable. But, yes, I think that they both are really a perfect couple.

Others:
I think Martin is the kind of character you essentially need to keep things interesting. In the beginning, he really wants to date Abby which is why he blackmails Simon. Even though he is kind of a creep, he is also funny and sensitive. He regrets his actions later on. So, that's kind of unexpected from a bully, but it does happen with all sincerity and integrity.

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Story Line: 
Simon is aware about his sexual orientation right from the beginning of the novel. So, there isn't a big moment as to that. Simon is a seventeen year old kid with a cool group of friends with a love triangle kind of a situation, an interesting family that takes a lot of interest in him, and one stranger who he mails everyday - Blue.
They both love each other, but they're both unaware as to who exactly the other person is. They go to the same school, they email each other things that they don't talk about with anyone else, they know each other inside out and yet they don't really know their real names or faces. So, on one of the days, Martin comes across these mails and blackmails Simon. Simon agrees, but he only partially helps him. So, then Martin goes on and posts about Simon being gay on Tumblr in a very douche-y way. He is kind of forced to come out then. He tells his parents and they are okay with it, as are his friends. But, I guess he was left with no option. Coming out should be something a person must have full control over, its timing, its audience and literally everything. So, yes, that didn't happen with him.
As the story progresses, everything gets sorted out, more or less. All is okay with Simon & Leah. All is great with Abby & Nick. Blue & Simon finally meet. I really cannot reveal who Blue might be. But, I think you'll like it! So, all is great with Blue & Jacques. Martin feels like crap for blackmailing Simon. It ends on a happy note.

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Overall Thoughts:
I think I'd give this book a 3/5 stars. 
The main topic of this book is coming out and about being equally respectful of people from all sexual orientations. It also focuses on how homosexuals are bullied in school, but it also shows how parents can be easily accepting of it. Since this was the main theme and there was an important message to this novel, that is the reason I have rated it at 3. Other that this awareness, I thought that the story was quite predictable and simplistic. It was a cliche friends' circle, And, of course, it had to end on a happy note. At times, I thought it might end up with Blue being a whole made-up person. But, if that were the case, the whole point of the book would have been wasted. Even though there was bullying from Martin and a few others, it was still not extreme. There was never a "Oh, Wow!" moment. There were a lot of, "Oh, well.." moments.

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Quotes:
1. It's really amazing, isn't it? Someone can trigger your sexual identity crises and not have a clue they're doing it.
2. It's strange, because in reality, I'm not the leading guy. Maybe I'm the best friend.
3. I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this?
4. So here's the thing: Simon means "the one who hears" and Spier means "the one who watches." Which means I was basically destined to be nosy.
5. The closest thing I've ever had to a journal is probably you.
6. I'm too busy trying not to be in love with someone who isn't real.
7. "I want to hold your hand," I say softly.
"So hold it," he says.
And I do.
8. "I'm all in, if you are," he says.
"All in?" I say. "Like what? Like boyfriend?"
"I mean, yeah. If that's what you want."
"That's what I want," I say. My boyfriend.

Until next time,

Saturday, 24 March 2018

Patterns... Hobbies... Routines... (Diary Logs #14)







Hello Readers! Hope you all are fabulous & enjoying life!
Here's something that I have been thinking about for quite some time.
Let me know what are your thoughts!









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Do you ever wonder about patterns? Hobbies? Routines? Somehow some ideas come to us in the middle of nowhere. You are walking on the metro station surrounded by a crowd and then you wonder how you've gotten used to loneliness like it's just a part of your routine. Or how while driving your car on a highway, you think about how all the vehicles move in different lanes at their own speed to form a beautiful synchronised pattern.

You can get attached to a person who is not your family or friend. They may be someone new for you and you may like them. You may like them so much that you may ignore their flaws. And soon enough, these flaws become your hobbies. Their flaw of being an addict may change you into one too. And while you focus on liking them more, you ignore not liking yourself. And there a pattern forms. You are an addict, not just to alcohol or cigarettes, but also to this person who is not good for you. And until the fact of that toxic pattern doesn't sink in, it continues to grow. It either ends obliterating everything or it ends with you.

And while, you can form a pattern in the wrong direction, it is also sometimes possible in the right direction. Like, you get up on a Monday and sulk about going to work. And then you are beyond happy when it's a Friday. That's more or less a routine pattern which most of us follow. One day we're commuting on the railway station and it feels like how it is shown in movies. You are at a standstill slow motion while everyone else around you is walking and running in a fast motion. That feeling of loneliness strikes you and you find it so familiar that you welcome it home. You think of all those strangers walking around you and wonder what goes on in their head. Are they mindlessly swirling around or are they aware of their conscious? Are they enjoying this weird loneliness like I am or are they suffering because it? How funny it is that the same thing can be enjoyable for one and depressing for the other?

And yet, here we are.. I am watching FRIENDS, while eating pizza, with a sinking feeling that it's Monday day after tomorrow while also being satisfied while I write something on the same theme which I often do. Combining all these weekend hobbies & routines, I have got a pattern which has become more of a lifestyle. So, I suppose it's important what you allow becoming a part of your pattern because it will eventually determine your lifestyle...

Until next time,

Monday, 5 February 2018

Why Night Life? (Diary Logs #13)







Hello Readers! After a couple of weeks of lull, I'm back with a new Diary Logs post! Some of you may hate it. But, those who like it, you're not alone. I hate Nightlife partying too.

PS : Diary Logs series is an art of fiction.








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Dear Diary,
Recently, I had visited a pub sort of a place with my friends. Okay, first, check my bio on the left. It says 'introvert'. So, I hate meaningless conversations with boring people even when I might come across as the boring one. (I'm fun once you get to know me.) I also hate loud music which gives me a headache & funnily enough constantly makes me burp! (Okay, I'm fun once you really get to know me.) So, when I went to this pub sort of a place, I just sat there & watched people. PEOPLE. Why are people so overrated? SO overrated! They're everywhere. They think everything revolves around them. Ugghkk.

So, nightlife.
1. That's never happening again.
2. Like, ever.
3. It sucked.
4. I don't understand why people go about it.

What I observed was people dancing to music so loud which helps them to ignore the voices in their own head. They drink & they smoke which helps them to escape. They drag people who hate to do the above into it all so they can feel more natural, perhaps more human. But, they don't really know everything, do they? Do You?

I sat in that bar doing nothing but also watching everything, I observed a lot of things. And after such an observation, I love to put my own version of conclusion to it. So, there was a girl & a guy. They had some awesome moves. And, they were so confident on those that they chucked the dark dance floor & danced in the otherwise (dim) lit area. They were grooving & enjoying. They had such happy & wildly huge fun vibes that it almost made me happy to watch them.

There was a guy who was sitting alone. Kinda old. Smoking. I wasn't sure what was the reason he was there. He could smoke anywhere. Or, watching all the people dancing with happy faces made him feel young? Did it? Does it?

There was a girl sitting alone too. There were multiple wallets/clutches on her table. So, her friends were probably off somewhere, but she sat there. I did not understand why she came with them if they didn't want to be with her. I did not understand how she could sit there like that. Not drinking. Not smoking. Not dancing. I did not understand her purpose of being there. Then, I realised we both were the same. I was that person. I had no purpose either. It was just to make some people happy. So, I got up & left. It was that simple. Why night life? There wasn't an answer there. So, I erased the question by leaving. No night life for me, thanks.


Until next time,

Sunday, 21 January 2018

Do It Like the World Is Watching. (Diary Logs #12)





Hello Readers!! This is my 3rd post in 3rd week and I think I'll be able to blog once a week with a Diary Logs post. And that makes me really happy! The idea for this article came to me after I wrote my last article. I just had this feeling that if everyone is going to read what I write, then it's my job to make it good! So, here we go!

PS: Diary Logs series is an art of fiction. (Maybe except for this one.)






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Dear Diary,
Be it a movie, book, technology, painting, song. It takes time & effort to reach to that optimal stage where you have set your targets. Somehow, you know it will be vital because people are going to watch that movie, read that book, use that technology, listen to that music & probably find existential purpose in that painting! Some people live by one quote their entire life. Others have their go-to place in case when messed up life strikes. And that's either an isolated park or some crowded coffee place. For a few, they believe so much in some movie, that it makes them want to believe in fate! So yes, I believe that when world is going to watch what you have made, I think the sense of responsibility strikes way high up!

I remember when I read & watched 'The Circle'. They have shown how important being transparent is in this world. So, when the protagonist steals/borrows a kayak without asking, it is later on shown how she wouldn't have done it if someone was watching. So, they provide her a 24*7 camera thingy to ensure full transparency. So, I think maybe she had to think twice before doing something or even saying something. Thank God, they didn't have chips implanted in her brain to know what she's thinking as well! It's scary, isn't it?

So, when I thought about it, I felt the same way. I felt like there are 100 different things that I won't do & on another hand, 100 different things that I would start doing if I was being constantly monitored. Maybe I'd workout more regularly. Maybe I'll put a pause before taking a quick nap at work. Maybe I'll watch that 2nd plate of whatever I'm eating. More importantly, on a higher level, I realised that if people are reading my blog, I must put out something good every week. It shouldn't be something that I need to do only for the sake of it. There needs to be more thought. There need to be more dimensions to it. Because, what if someone comes across my blog and the first post they see is something crap? Not done, right? So, yes, there's a lot of more responsibility than I thought. And I'm trying here… to give the best. So, I'm going to pretend that Modi or Obama are reading this & write something worth reading. Worth those 5 minutes, I suppose.

And that's what we should do with our lives. Live it like we're worth our existence. Make the most out of them. Because in this case, even if no one's watching, you will watch. You will know what you did or did not know. Your inner self will always know. So, yes, make your life worth it, at least for your own sake.

Until next time,

Monday, 15 January 2018

Silence : Powerful or Weak? (Diary Logs #11)










Hello Readers! I needed to think a bit on this one & was quite optimistic about it. Would love your opinions as well!
PS: This series is an art of fiction.










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Dear Diary,

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.”
“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.”
“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.”

I have read so many quotes & articles about silence. People who don't speak much are supposed to be thinkers as opposed to those who cannot keep their mouths shut. People who are 'intellectuals' tend to think before speaking. Such people are the ones who talk about solitude and the power of silence. You may also know about being alone to recharge. You may know people referring to this type as 'introverts'.

I liked to think that I was among those. I liked to think that I was a so-called intellectual. Because it definitely sounds better than being a blabber mouth, right? But, then, the other day, I was sitting with some people and they wanted my opinion on something. It was miniscule; something about what to gift or what to plan for a birthday or thoughts on the latest TV show they had watched. And I wasn't sure what to say. Complete blank. That was the time I realised something… Have I just conveniently put myself in the 'non-speaker' category because of lack of thoughts rather than more thereof. Do I dislike communicating because I don't have my own opinions at all? Do I have any belief system even? Am I just wired to think about some things just because I am supposed to? Or do I just always go along with what someone else just said? It really bothered me that I wasn't in the above mentioned category, but more importantly it bothered me because all of a sudden, I saw this huge existential question forming in my head : Who am I?

Since childhood we are taught between right or wrong, good or evil, yes or no. But, there should be more to it, must be. Quoting from a TV show, “Things are not just black & white. Things are more complicated than that.” Again, I’m thinking upon what someone else said in some show. But, what is beyond this basic ‘this or that’ notion? Is that what we are supposed to unearth by ourselves? And how the hell are we supposed to do that at age 27?

 I know what needs to be done. I need to understand that what I think isn't just because it’s what everyone feels, but because that is actually my say? I need to read things or listen to random conversations and decide. Form an opinion. I need to understand myself, am I really focussing power of silence or is that an easy way out because of my weakness. I need my own opinions in a world where everything is practically spoon-fed. I need to know what is my perspective on specific matters like feminism or right to abortion or politics. I need to know what would be my call if two unhappy people are getting a divorce. I need to know what to think if someone is taking a break from their career to start a family. I need to know if I support the LGBTQ community for real or only because I’m supposed to. I need to know what to think about people who choose to stay in an open marriage. I need to know what to think about people who drink and smoke when they are depressed. I want to know whether to take it as healthy criticism or know people’s real intentions. I need the answers to all the questions that form in my head without being judgemental! Most importantly, I need to understand whether I want to live the way I am living or I want to do something that matters. I need my own opinion. I need my voice. On everything. Because, I am my own individuality and because I matter.

Until next time,

Monday, 8 January 2018

That Faceless, Kind, Understanding & Tall Guy. (Diary Logs #10)







Hello Readers! It's been a while! So, here's a random post because I thought it was about time to write something! Hope you like it. Sorry for a kind of a depressing post for 2018. But, honestly, does it matter?
Again, it's strictly fictional!






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Dear Diary,
I had a dream this morning. I was with someone. A guy. A kind, understanding & tall guy. No one I know from my life & by now, he has just become a smiling person who maybe cared for me. In this dream, we were in the back seat of a cab. I think we both were tired or maybe I was crying. I'm not sure. It was definitely something on the negative note. But, then he leans his head on my shoulder, which is weird because me being shorter than him, it could only cause him back pain. But, he did it anyway. In the 'before', I'd have leaned my head on his, but I didn't. Probably my subconscious was still awake and telling me how to not trust men even if it's a dream. So, I didn't. But, then my face became wet with tears and I don't even know what was the reason. And, impulsively, I touched my hand to his. I think somewhere he knew about all my issues. It felt like he knew me in and out. So, he went ahead and held my hand. It was so perfect sitting there with this faceless, kind, understanding and tall man with our hands intertwined. It was perfect for a moment and then I woke up.

Yes, I woke up. And of course, I started crying first thing on a Sunday morning. And this time I knew why I was crying. I cried because that moment in my dream; that 'perfect moment' was only going to exist in my dreams and never in real life. I felt in every cell of my body how much I wanted it. I remembered how I felt. And I knew that this feeling wasn't real and would never be for me. There aren't men like that faceless, kind, understanding & tall man and there are too many trust & intimacy issues with me and the world. That feeling in the dream was going to stay there because all my hopes of it becoming real someday are far gone. I'm too far gone.



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