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Sunday, 15 July 2018

Of Loneliness & Independence. (Diary Logs #18)

Hi Readers!! Hope you are having a great weekend! I mean, that World Cup final blew my mind!!
So, here I am, writing about something that's totally opposite of team spirit & often touched upon topic of my writing! 
Why don't you go ahead & read it!?


She sat in the balcony of her small apartment on a Saturday evening with tea in her hand & a rather plain view from the 2nd floor. She had an array of options before her. She could read a book which she had been attempting to finish for 7 months. She could binge watch some hyped Netflix show & pretend to understand the sci-fi aspects in it. She could browse Pinterest & Instagram only to watch travel photos from Netherlands, photos captioned #FriendshipGoals or another celebrity breakup. She could browse social media & catch up on who's who of people she doesn't really care about. So, where were the people she cared about? Did these people even exist? She might care about a million, but she was sure no one cared about her. Just as sure as she was that there was no truth behind those #FriendshipGoals photos because nothing really lasts, does it? People come, people go. There were more ex-people in her life than now-people. That is the way of life. At any stage, they are never friends; they are contract friends dressed up as classmates, flatmates, cousins or colleagues. Once that phase is done, so is the relationship & so are the "goals". She sat there with her thoughts. She could think about how different it was a few months earlier, or even a few weeks earlier. You get a degree, you get a job, you move out of your parents' home to a new city. You get what you always wanted. She was independent, and yet she was lonely in those hours of a Saturday night even with a lot of options in front of her.

          She thought about the time she could call up her best friend & she would just know that the call would go on for hours. And today was the day when she was so sure that they won't even meet again, let alone have those heartfelt conversations. No matter how strong their friendship goals were, they ended as college ended.
          She thought about all her colleagues at the place she interned before. That was the time when they didn't miss even a single Friday night to go out partying. Now that, she got another job, they still go, without fail. Also, without giving a second thought to invite her. No matter how much fun those Fridays with colleagues were, they ended as her internship ended.
          She thought about the times when she was inseparable from her cousin brothers. Every time she was angry at her parents, she knew she could just go over at her cousin's place & they would make her laugh until she forgot why she was angry. But then, they grew up, got jobs & moved to US. No matter how strong their bond was, it ended as their childhood ended.

She grew up knowing that people are temporary. People come, people go. Maybe that's why she never fought hard to make someone stay in her life. She was one woman standing & she enjoyed the view with no one in sight. At that moment, she had become so strong that nothing would make her cry & nothing would take her guard down. She had to be a warrior, all the time, with no breaks.

Until next time,

Sunday, 10 June 2018

Are You Scared of Being Left Alone with Your Thoughts? (Diary Logs #17)

Hello Readers! Hope you liked the love story I wrote last week. I am in the process of writing another one. But, that one's going to take some time. So, stay tuned for the big one!
This is another diary logs kind of a post inspired by reality of feelings. So, for a change, it's not fiction. Keeping it real. Hope it changes your outlook & makes you think.


Dear Diary,
          This weekend I went on a trip to Lonavla with my family. My aunt has a family friend who has a bungalow there. No words can describe how amazing & perfect that bungalow is. We were 7 of us there. The place has a lot of things to keep everyone entertained. It has a huge hall with 3 big bedrooms. All the interiors are so well picked out that everything looks fancy while also has a touch of vintage with modern architecture. There's an amazing sit-out place like a balcony. We can see an amazing view from there. It's always cold & to our luck also foggy which creates perfect atmosphere. The basement is converted to a gaming arena with Table Tennis, Carom & board games. There's also a small terrace above from where the view is better than that at any other place in Lonavla.
There's a care-taker who is also the chef so there's nothing that we need to do, but relax. Sounds peaceful, doesn't it? The only thing is that there is barely any cell reception up there. And there's no wi-fi. So, you can do everything & anything which doesn't involve browsing through your mobile or laptop.

In the deadly silence of this beautiful place, if you go alone, what will you do?
How long will you be able to ponder over the wonder of the nature, mountains & the superb weather?
How long will you read or cook or do gardening or photography?
It will all last only until you finally come face to face with yourself with no more escape routes left. What will you do then? Will you be ready to face your fears? Will you be ready to give a thought to your thoughts?

After a certain amount of time, they will keep cropping up. Your mind will ask you why are you living the way you do. Your body will ask you why you treat it the way you do. Your past will crawl to remind you of your regrets & bad choices. Your future will give you nothing but one big question mark. Your anxiety will ask you if it's a good time to strike again. Your hands will go to the phone to check for any messages, but there won't be any. Your heart will ask you if you feel it even exists. You will be left alone with nothing but your thoughts. The question is will you be scared of being left alone with your thoughts? And if the answer is yes, you know that you need to face that fear. 

"Let's toughen up & face our fears.
Let's stop with the many escape mechanisms we use every day, every minute! 
Let's not be afraid of being left alone with our thoughts. 
Instead, let those thoughts come to sort everything out. And also maybe, to inspire!"

Until next time,

Monday, 4 June 2018

The First Date. (Short Story)

Hello Readers! This is the story of a unique first date. I hope at least some of you have experienced & those who haven't, I hope you do too! Let me know what you think!

Dear Diary,

          I met someone today. I know what you are going to say, "Not this again." But, yes, this again! Meeting someone new, getting to know them better than they know themselves, falling in love with them because of the silliest reasons and then winding up with a heartbreak sooner or later, again because of the silliest reasons and the vicious dating cycle continues. Nevertheless, like every time, I'll say, "I think he's THE ONE." You'll silently roll your eyes at me because this is like the 12th THE ONE. I'll pretend to not notice when deep down even I know what I'm doing is worthless. But, at least I’ve still got this magical feeling called HOPE.

          So, about this guy & about today! I have known him since the past couple of months, but only today did we actually talk. He's the librarian at the usual City Library I visit every week. We used to exchange “hi, reissue or new issue and thanks, bye” to each other every week. But, we got to talking today & it turns out, we have a lot in common. He knows my taste in books & so when he asked me out on a date, he did so by quoting one of the characters from the book I had recently read. I thought that was cute. So, I went ahead and said yes.

          Our first dinner date was at a little place close to the beach which is usually my first date restaurant. We talked & ate & laughed. While the dinner went smoothly with each of us asking the questions which we both probably read off of a Google article ‘What to do and what not to do on the first date.” Anyway, we got to know each other a bit while cautiously avoiding the past, focussing on the present while talking about the future. But, the actual pleasant talks began once we left the restaurant. We started walking on this perfect little street; not too crowded & not too lonely. One side was a lane of bungalows with all these trees with flowers on their garden. These pink flowers hung just so perfectly that they were halfway on the street & halfway on the inside of the Bungalow garden making the lane studded with pink flowers & yellow leaves in a beautiful red carpet fashion. While on the other side of the lane there’s just a wall & across that wall, there is the beach playing the Sound of Waves for us.

          Even after being silent for a while, he didn’t ask me whether I was fine or whether there was anything bothering me. Just by looking at me, he knew that I was happy in that moment.
As we walked close to each other, our hands became the first ones to attract each other like magnets. Our hands knowingly and flirtatiously swished & touched until they finally embraced each other. It was the first time we held hands while walking on nature’s colourful carpet while listening to the waves on the other side. Soon, he decided to end the silence and asked me, “What are you thinking right now?” Without second thoughts, I answered, “It is just magical and purely blissful listening to these waves when I cannot even see them. It’s all just a one-minute action. Waves running to the shore, hitting the shore & then going back to the ocean. Then there’s another one & then another & that just continues like clockwork. What really intrigues me is the moment between the waves. The time when one wave has just reached the shore & the other one is on its way. There’s the anticipation of the new wave settling in and the happiness of the earlier wave right at the surface. I think that peaceful moment in-between is just precious. It’s like I can live in that peace my entire life. It’s like that one-minute moment of peace & solitude could last forever.”
He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t interrupt me when I was saying something with so much dreams in my eyes. I didn’t need to talk quickly in order to finish everything I had to say. I took pauses where required, I stressed on the words that needed to be stressed on. I talked about the magic of waves like I have some magic in myself & everything around me. He listened silently & he imagined everything I said. He didn’t listen to come back with a wittier response. He listened to actually understand me. So, I smiled at him after telling him what was on my mind & asked him what was on his. And somehow, even though I had begun with no expectations, he opened up too.

He said, “I suppose what waves are to you, time is to me. You see how wonderfully & also chaotically time works? We have been walking for about 25 minutes & yet it seems like only 5 minutes have gone by. I suppose when we are with someone we like time goes on quickly as every moment matters. When we are with someone we like, time seems to stop still while actually it goes by faster than otherwise. While we kept talking on the way tonight, we felt time stop while we truly unravelled what was on our minds. Isn’t it lovely, like clockwork too?” We again smiled at each other because we both knew this was something else. No first date ends up with both the people having such conversations about their deepest thoughts & wonders.

          By that time, we reached the beach. There was sand beneath our feet, stars above our heads & magic within us. We stood close facing each other. One wave had settled, the other was on its way & time stopped still. We found our one-minute of peace. Our bodies touching each other, us looking deep into each other’s eyes. With the anticipation closing in, so did the distance between us & we kissed. Our first kiss in that perfect moment of peace & standstill of time when we were magic in the middle of it all. It was a first, but it felt like none of the other firsts I ever had. It was truly magic.

Until next time,

Sunday, 6 May 2018

How My Asocial Ass Enjoyed Company of EIGHT Work People! (Diary Logs #16)

Hello Readers! This is somewhat of a 'Dear Diary' real-life moment. (Not real-fictional, for a change!)
Here we go..


Dear Diary,
I have almost 90 % of the times regretted putting my personal life on the blog. Because in all those 90 % instances I wrote about people who didn't deserve it & who I don't even talk to anymore. Even so, here I am; opening up. Because, apart from the trust issues or commitment issues, these people feel more real, even when I know little about them than I did about those 90 %. I suppose that's how it works, huh?

So, I went for dinner with some (many) colleagues. It all started because I was frustrated out of my mind during the week (most likely because of work.) And then, I talked to Kunal & Mindy that we really need to meet Vaishali, Pranali & Parul who sit out of a different location. We all worked together earlier, but then got separated due to travelling issues. I instantly pinged Vaishali & the plan was chalked. We lucked out, because instead of just meeting these 3 people, we became a whole group of 10 people! 6 of us, our former boss & 3 guys who used to work with us.

We decided on dinner in Powai. Of course, 2 hours prioir, my anxiety kicked in. I had to go on a ride to dial it down. Then, I felt okay. I went to the place. I met Avinash & Hari first; both as witty & funny as always. Both of whom I hadn't seen in a long time! Then came blonde-haired Rajat, with his 'IDGAF about anyone' charm in place. Soon, Pranali & Parul came. I missed being Parul's one-month desk partner.  Even though we talk on a daily basis, we hadn't met in a month. Usually conversations with Pranali go like-
"So & so question"
"So & so answer."
"No problem."
I think we do this at least twice a day!
Then came Kunal, who also brought with him his so-called humour. Soon, Vaishali & Priyanka came in, looking amazing as always. I just got this flashback of our long lunch breaks where we used to just go in fits of laughter. I felt so good seeing all of them today! I wish Mindy was also there.

I am not so much of a talker, but that didn't really matter. Everyone talked, shared laughs & had fun. Neither did we like the food, nor the restaurant for its service. It wasn't even in central Hiranandani, Powai. It wasn't an ideal or a perfect meetup, but it was something. While returning home, I didn't feel like Saturday was wasted or I'd have rather stayed home. Instead, I was actually happy.
We were just a bunch of people who work(ed) together, half of us enjoy what we do, half of us probably don't. But, just in those few hours, all of that didn't matter, because we were all just happy. :)

Be happy. Until then,

Sunday, 8 April 2018

You Still Have Time. (Diary Logs #15)

Hello Readers! This post is one of those posts which just came to me while walking on the metro station. It may sound bizarre and random because it is.


I was walking home one day last week by my usual route. It had been one of those hectic days involving a lot of stress. I think I left office at around 9:30 PM and with me, I took a lot of wavering thoughts. I was worried about work & reviews as it was March end. I wanted to fly to another state to see my best friend & wasn't sure how it will work out at home. I was getting these migraine attacks a lot of the time. So basically, my day started & ended with a headache. While I was lost in all these troubles, I saw a particular advertisement at the metro station. There are a lot of advertisements that were up along the way. There are usually some Bank hoardings or about some new movie or the latest Netflix sensation. That day I saw a board on which was written, "You still have time." It must have probably been an insurance ad or something. But, only those 4 words caught my attention.

And then, I got lost in another trail of thoughts. It was March end, but I still had time to prove myself. A couple of weeks can sure make a difference if I'm positive. And yes, I can get a permission from my parents to visit my best friend. I'm an adult now and can take care of myself sensibly. And yes, there's nothing much I can do about migraines, but I can try to eat healthy and stuff. I can write more, read more, live more. I can do what ever I want to do.

I still have time.

Just a couple of days went and I have done so much more. And that feels purely amazing!
Those 4 words inspired me so much, that I have already started writing again. I started & finished reading a new book - 'Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda'. I also write a review on it! I did get permission from my parents & I'm going to see my best friend next month! (We are literally counting down the days!) I cut off my hair and made it really short. I had always wanted to do that, but this time, I just did it! It was so simple. With this look, I finally feel like I'm the female lead in my own movie. I feel good & positive. I'm doing better at achieving my daily and weekly targets. For the first time ever since I started working, I had a pleasant Monday.

I still have time,

Saturday, 31 March 2018

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. (Mindscape Reviews #5)

Hello Readers!
It all began when I saw this tweet some time back. I'm not sure who had written it, but it had an overview of 'Love, Simon'. It was written, "Don't Let this movie become a flop." I did some research after reading that. And that's how I found out about the book Simon vs, the Homo Sapiens Agenda. And after 2 days, here I
am done reading it and writing its review! 


In Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the protagonist is Simon (obviously) and this is a story of his coming out as gay along with a cute love story. There are many ups and downs along the story line. The nice part is that it's easy to read. It seemed a bit more on the young scale than a Young-Adult.

About Author: 
The author, Becky Albertalli does a good job presenting the whole story. From a YA standpoint, it's even good, if you like to read happy things. She has managed to make it multi-faceted, funny and interesting. The writing is very simplistic as is the story. It has a normal bell curve, meaning that it starts well, then there are heartbreaks and burnout, and then it ends well. It's fun for light reading.  I have already started reading her book, 'The Upside of Unrequited' because I do enjoy light reading at times. 

Simon is like your boy next door. He's friendly and cute. He has a lot of people who he calls friends, but he barely knows anything real about them. But, he cares deeply about a few people. If it is in fact his mistake, he knows that and tries to correct it. He is such a sweetheart of a people-person that it's impossible to not like him.

The Friends:
Nick is SImon's closest and also oldest friend. They have known each other since they were 4 year olds. So, there was supposed to be a strong bond shown there. But, there aren't much heart-to-hear conversations or even your typical guy discussions that happen between them, which was a bit weird. I guess the main focus was on the 2 girl best friends - Leah & Abby. Leah is the girl best friend. She's pretty, smart and has a thing about priorities. She has had a crush on Nick for a long time. So, when Abby comes into picture, she gets jealous easily. Not only is she a great friend, she is also super talented. And then, Abby is this really cool chick who has joined school just 4 months ago and has become a part of Simon's tighter friend circle. She's honest, caring, kind-hearted. While Leah might sometimes come off as bitchy, Abby always comes off as sweet. Nonetheless, I can't decide who I like more. They are both awesome female characters and I loved both of theirs personalities.

bluegreen118 (Blue) is his account name and Simon's (Jacques) is hourtohour.notetonote. Their email exchanges are always a new chapter and I found myself awaiting those chapters. It's amazing how precise Blue is. He is careful, a Grammar nerd and he also is very sensitive. Almost all of the time, he says how he doesn't want to meet Jacques in person because he was afraid. He figures out who Jacques is which leaves Simon vulnerable. But, yes, I think that they both are really a perfect couple.

I think Martin is the kind of character you essentially need to keep things interesting. In the beginning, he really wants to date Abby which is why he blackmails Simon. Even though he is kind of a creep, he is also funny and sensitive. He regrets his actions later on. So, that's kind of unexpected from a bully, but it does happen with all sincerity and integrity.

Story Line: 
Simon is aware about his sexual orientation right from the beginning of the novel. So, there isn't a big moment as to that. Simon is a seventeen year old kid with a cool group of friends with a love triangle kind of a situation, an interesting family that takes a lot of interest in him, and one stranger who he mails everyday - Blue.
They both love each other, but they're both unaware as to who exactly the other person is. They go to the same school, they email each other things that they don't talk about with anyone else, they know each other inside out and yet they don't really know their real names or faces. So, on one of the days, Martin comes across these mails and blackmails Simon. Simon agrees, but he only partially helps him. So, then Martin goes on and posts about Simon being gay on Tumblr in a very douche-y way. He is kind of forced to come out then. He tells his parents and they are okay with it, as are his friends. But, I guess he was left with no option. Coming out should be something a person must have full control over, its timing, its audience and literally everything. So, yes, that didn't happen with him.
As the story progresses, everything gets sorted out, more or less. All is okay with Simon & Leah. All is great with Abby & Nick. Blue & Simon finally meet. I really cannot reveal who Blue might be. But, I think you'll like it! So, all is great with Blue & Jacques. Martin feels like crap for blackmailing Simon. It ends on a happy note.

Overall Thoughts:
I think I'd give this book a 3/5 stars. 
The main topic of this book is coming out and about being equally respectful of people from all sexual orientations. It also focuses on how homosexuals are bullied in school, but it also shows how parents can be easily accepting of it. Since this was the main theme and there was an important message to this novel, that is the reason I have rated it at 3. Other that this awareness, I thought that the story was quite predictable and simplistic. It was a cliche friends' circle, And, of course, it had to end on a happy note. At times, I thought it might end up with Blue being a whole made-up person. But, if that were the case, the whole point of the book would have been wasted. Even though there was bullying from Martin and a few others, it was still not extreme. There was never a "Oh, Wow!" moment. There were a lot of, "Oh, well.." moments.

1. It's really amazing, isn't it? Someone can trigger your sexual identity crises and not have a clue they're doing it.
2. It's strange, because in reality, I'm not the leading guy. Maybe I'm the best friend.
3. I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this?
4. So here's the thing: Simon means "the one who hears" and Spier means "the one who watches." Which means I was basically destined to be nosy.
5. The closest thing I've ever had to a journal is probably you.
6. I'm too busy trying not to be in love with someone who isn't real.
7. "I want to hold your hand," I say softly.
"So hold it," he says.
And I do.
8. "I'm all in, if you are," he says.
"All in?" I say. "Like what? Like boyfriend?"
"I mean, yeah. If that's what you want."
"That's what I want," I say. My boyfriend.

Until next time,

Saturday, 24 March 2018

Patterns... Hobbies... Routines... (Diary Logs #14)

Hello Readers! Hope you all are fabulous & enjoying life!
Here's something that I have been thinking about for quite some time.
Let me know what are your thoughts!


Do you ever wonder about patterns? Hobbies? Routines? Somehow some ideas come to us in the middle of nowhere. You are walking on the metro station surrounded by a crowd and then you wonder how you've gotten used to loneliness like it's just a part of your routine. Or how while driving your car on a highway, you think about how all the vehicles move in different lanes at their own speed to form a beautiful synchronised pattern.

You can get attached to a person who is not your family or friend. They may be someone new for you and you may like them. You may like them so much that you may ignore their flaws. And soon enough, these flaws become your hobbies. Their flaw of being an addict may change you into one too. And while you focus on liking them more, you ignore not liking yourself. And there a pattern forms. You are an addict, not just to alcohol or cigarettes, but also to this person who is not good for you. And until the fact of that toxic pattern doesn't sink in, it continues to grow. It either ends obliterating everything or it ends with you.

And while, you can form a pattern in the wrong direction, it is also sometimes possible in the right direction. Like, you get up on a Monday and sulk about going to work. And then you are beyond happy when it's a Friday. That's more or less a routine pattern which most of us follow. One day we're commuting on the railway station and it feels like how it is shown in movies. You are at a standstill slow motion while everyone else around you is walking and running in a fast motion. That feeling of loneliness strikes you and you find it so familiar that you welcome it home. You think of all those strangers walking around you and wonder what goes on in their head. Are they mindlessly swirling around or are they aware of their conscious? Are they enjoying this weird loneliness like I am or are they suffering because it? How funny it is that the same thing can be enjoyable for one and depressing for the other?

And yet, here we are.. I am watching FRIENDS, while eating pizza, with a sinking feeling that it's Monday day after tomorrow while also being satisfied while I write something on the same theme which I often do. Combining all these weekend hobbies & routines, I have got a pattern which has become more of a lifestyle. So, I suppose it's important what you allow becoming a part of your pattern because it will eventually determine your lifestyle...

Until next time,

Monday, 5 February 2018

Why Night Life? (Diary Logs #13)

Hello Readers! After a couple of weeks of lull, I'm back with a new Diary Logs post! Some of you may hate it. But, those who like it, you're not alone. I hate Nightlife partying too.

PS : Diary Logs series is an art of fiction.


Dear Diary,
Recently, I had visited a pub sort of a place with my friends. Okay, first, check my bio on the left. It says 'introvert'. So, I hate meaningless conversations with boring people even when I might come across as the boring one. (I'm fun once you get to know me.) I also hate loud music which gives me a headache & funnily enough constantly makes me burp! (Okay, I'm fun once you really get to know me.) So, when I went to this pub sort of a place, I just sat there & watched people. PEOPLE. Why are people so overrated? SO overrated! They're everywhere. They think everything revolves around them. Ugghkk.

So, nightlife.
1. That's never happening again.
2. Like, ever.
3. It sucked.
4. I don't understand why people go about it.

What I observed was people dancing to music so loud which helps them to ignore the voices in their own head. They drink & they smoke which helps them to escape. They drag people who hate to do the above into it all so they can feel more natural, perhaps more human. But, they don't really know everything, do they? Do You?

I sat in that bar doing nothing but also watching everything, I observed a lot of things. And after such an observation, I love to put my own version of conclusion to it. So, there was a girl & a guy. They had some awesome moves. And, they were so confident on those that they chucked the dark dance floor & danced in the otherwise (dim) lit area. They were grooving & enjoying. They had such happy & wildly huge fun vibes that it almost made me happy to watch them.

There was a guy who was sitting alone. Kinda old. Smoking. I wasn't sure what was the reason he was there. He could smoke anywhere. Or, watching all the people dancing with happy faces made him feel young? Did it? Does it?

There was a girl sitting alone too. There were multiple wallets/clutches on her table. So, her friends were probably off somewhere, but she sat there. I did not understand why she came with them if they didn't want to be with her. I did not understand how she could sit there like that. Not drinking. Not smoking. Not dancing. I did not understand her purpose of being there. Then, I realised we both were the same. I was that person. I had no purpose either. It was just to make some people happy. So, I got up & left. It was that simple. Why night life? There wasn't an answer there. So, I erased the question by leaving. No night life for me, thanks.

Until next time,

Sunday, 21 January 2018

Do It Like the World Is Watching. (Diary Logs #12)

Hello Readers!! This is my 3rd post in 3rd week and I think I'll be able to blog once a week with a Diary Logs post. And that makes me really happy! The idea for this article came to me after I wrote my last article. I just had this feeling that if everyone is going to read what I write, then it's my job to make it good! So, here we go!

PS: Diary Logs series is an art of fiction. (Maybe except for this one.)


Dear Diary,
Be it a movie, book, technology, painting, song. It takes time & effort to reach to that optimal stage where you have set your targets. Somehow, you know it will be vital because people are going to watch that movie, read that book, use that technology, listen to that music & probably find existential purpose in that painting! Some people live by one quote their entire life. Others have their go-to place in case when messed up life strikes. And that's either an isolated park or some crowded coffee place. For a few, they believe so much in some movie, that it makes them want to believe in fate! So yes, I believe that when world is going to watch what you have made, I think the sense of responsibility strikes way high up!

I remember when I read & watched 'The Circle'. They have shown how important being transparent is in this world. So, when the protagonist steals/borrows a kayak without asking, it is later on shown how she wouldn't have done it if someone was watching. So, they provide her a 24*7 camera thingy to ensure full transparency. So, I think maybe she had to think twice before doing something or even saying something. Thank God, they didn't have chips implanted in her brain to know what she's thinking as well! It's scary, isn't it?

So, when I thought about it, I felt the same way. I felt like there are 100 different things that I won't do & on another hand, 100 different things that I would start doing if I was being constantly monitored. Maybe I'd workout more regularly. Maybe I'll put a pause before taking a quick nap at work. Maybe I'll watch that 2nd plate of whatever I'm eating. More importantly, on a higher level, I realised that if people are reading my blog, I must put out something good every week. It shouldn't be something that I need to do only for the sake of it. There needs to be more thought. There need to be more dimensions to it. Because, what if someone comes across my blog and the first post they see is something crap? Not done, right? So, yes, there's a lot of more responsibility than I thought. And I'm trying here… to give the best. So, I'm going to pretend that Modi or Obama are reading this & write something worth reading. Worth those 5 minutes, I suppose.

And that's what we should do with our lives. Live it like we're worth our existence. Make the most out of them. Because in this case, even if no one's watching, you will watch. You will know what you did or did not know. Your inner self will always know. So, yes, make your life worth it, at least for your own sake.

Until next time,

Monday, 15 January 2018

Silence : Powerful or Weak? (Diary Logs #11)

Hello Readers! I needed to think a bit on this one & was quite optimistic about it. Would love your opinions as well!
PS: This series is an art of fiction.


Dear Diary,

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.”
“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.”
“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.”

I have read so many quotes & articles about silence. People who don't speak much are supposed to be thinkers as opposed to those who cannot keep their mouths shut. People who are 'intellectuals' tend to think before speaking. Such people are the ones who talk about solitude and the power of silence. You may also know about being alone to recharge. You may know people referring to this type as 'introverts'.

I liked to think that I was among those. I liked to think that I was a so-called intellectual. Because it definitely sounds better than being a blabber mouth, right? But, then, the other day, I was sitting with some people and they wanted my opinion on something. It was miniscule; something about what to gift or what to plan for a birthday or thoughts on the latest TV show they had watched. And I wasn't sure what to say. Complete blank. That was the time I realised something… Have I just conveniently put myself in the 'non-speaker' category because of lack of thoughts rather than more thereof. Do I dislike communicating because I don't have my own opinions at all? Do I have any belief system even? Am I just wired to think about some things just because I am supposed to? Or do I just always go along with what someone else just said? It really bothered me that I wasn't in the above mentioned category, but more importantly it bothered me because all of a sudden, I saw this huge existential question forming in my head : Who am I?

Since childhood we are taught between right or wrong, good or evil, yes or no. But, there should be more to it, must be. Quoting from a TV show, “Things are not just black & white. Things are more complicated than that.” Again, I’m thinking upon what someone else said in some show. But, what is beyond this basic ‘this or that’ notion? Is that what we are supposed to unearth by ourselves? And how the hell are we supposed to do that at age 27?

 I know what needs to be done. I need to understand that what I think isn't just because it’s what everyone feels, but because that is actually my say? I need to read things or listen to random conversations and decide. Form an opinion. I need to understand myself, am I really focussing power of silence or is that an easy way out because of my weakness. I need my own opinions in a world where everything is practically spoon-fed. I need to know what is my perspective on specific matters like feminism or right to abortion or politics. I need to know what would be my call if two unhappy people are getting a divorce. I need to know what to think if someone is taking a break from their career to start a family. I need to know if I support the LGBTQ community for real or only because I’m supposed to. I need to know what to think about people who choose to stay in an open marriage. I need to know what to think about people who drink and smoke when they are depressed. I want to know whether to take it as healthy criticism or know people’s real intentions. I need the answers to all the questions that form in my head without being judgemental! Most importantly, I need to understand whether I want to live the way I am living or I want to do something that matters. I need my own opinion. I need my voice. On everything. Because, I am my own individuality and because I matter.

Until next time,

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