Monday, 15 January 2018

Silence : Powerful or Weak? (Diary Logs #11)

Hello Readers! I needed to think a bit on this one & was quite optimistic about it. Would love your opinions as well!
PS: This series is an art of fiction.


Dear Diary,

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.”
“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.”
“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.”

I have read so many quotes & articles about silence. People who don't speak much are supposed to be thinkers as opposed to those who cannot keep their mouths shut. People who are 'intellectuals' tend to think before speaking. Such people are the ones who talk about solitude and the power of silence. You may also know about being alone to recharge. You may know people referring to this type as 'introverts'.

I liked to think that I was among those. I liked to think that I was a so-called intellectual. Because it definitely sounds better than being a blabber mouth, right? But, then, the other day, I was sitting with some people and they wanted my opinion on something. It was miniscule; something about what to gift or what to plan for a birthday or thoughts on the latest TV show they had watched. And I wasn't sure what to say. Complete blank. That was the time I realised something… Have I just conveniently put myself in the 'non-speaker' category because of lack of thoughts rather than more thereof. Do I dislike communicating because I don't have my own opinions at all? Do I have any belief system even? Am I just wired to think about some things just because I am supposed to? Or do I just always go along with what someone else just said? It really bothered me that I wasn't in the above mentioned category, but more importantly it bothered me because all of a sudden, I saw this huge existential question forming in my head : Who am I?

Since childhood we are taught between right or wrong, good or evil, yes or no. But, there should be more to it, must be. Quoting from a TV show, “Things are not just black & white. Things are more complicated than that.” Again, I’m thinking upon what someone else said in some show. But, what is beyond this basic ‘this or that’ notion? Is that what we are supposed to unearth by ourselves? And how the hell are we supposed to do that at age 27?

 I know what needs to be done. I need to understand that what I think isn't just because it’s what everyone feels, but because that is actually my say? I need to read things or listen to random conversations and decide. Form an opinion. I need to understand myself, am I really focussing power of silence or is that an easy way out because of my weakness. I need my own opinions in a world where everything is practically spoon-fed. I need to know what is my perspective on specific matters like feminism or right to abortion or politics. I need to know what would be my call if two unhappy people are getting a divorce. I need to know what to think if someone is taking a break from their career to start a family. I need to know if I support the LGBTQ community for real or only because I’m supposed to. I need to know what to think about people who choose to stay in an open marriage. I need to know what to think about people who drink and smoke when they are depressed. I want to know whether to take it as healthy criticism or know people’s real intentions. I need the answers to all the questions that form in my head without being judgemental! Most importantly, I need to understand whether I want to live the way I am living or I want to do something that matters. I need my own opinion. I need my voice. On everything. Because, I am my own individuality and because I matter.

Until next time,

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