Sunday, 15 July 2018

Of Loneliness & Independence. (Diary Logs #18)

Hi Readers!! Hope you are having a great weekend! I mean, that World Cup final blew my mind!!
So, here I am, writing about something that's totally opposite of team spirit & often touched upon topic of my writing! 
Why don't you go ahead & read it!?


She sat in the balcony of her small apartment on a Saturday evening with tea in her hand & a rather plain view from the 2nd floor. She had an array of options before her. She could read a book which she had been attempting to finish for 7 months. She could binge watch some hyped Netflix show & pretend to understand the sci-fi aspects in it. She could browse Pinterest & Instagram only to watch travel photos from Netherlands, photos captioned #FriendshipGoals or another celebrity breakup. She could browse social media & catch up on who's who of people she doesn't really care about. So, where were the people she cared about? Did these people even exist? She might care about a million, but she was sure no one cared about her. Just as sure as she was that there was no truth behind those #FriendshipGoals photos because nothing really lasts, does it? People come, people go. There were more ex-people in her life than now-people. That is the way of life. At any stage, they are never friends; they are contract friends dressed up as classmates, flatmates, cousins or colleagues. Once that phase is done, so is the relationship & so are the "goals". She sat there with her thoughts. She could think about how different it was a few months earlier, or even a few weeks earlier. You get a degree, you get a job, you move out of your parents' home to a new city. You get what you always wanted. She was independent, and yet she was lonely in those hours of a Saturday night even with a lot of options in front of her.

          She thought about the time she could call up her best friend & she would just know that the call would go on for hours. And today was the day when she was so sure that they won't even meet again, let alone have those heartfelt conversations. No matter how strong their friendship goals were, they ended as college ended.
          She thought about all her colleagues at the place she interned before. That was the time when they didn't miss even a single Friday night to go out partying. Now that, she got another job, they still go, without fail. Also, without giving a second thought to invite her. No matter how much fun those Fridays with colleagues were, they ended as her internship ended.
          She thought about the times when she was inseparable from her cousin brothers. Every time she was angry at her parents, she knew she could just go over at her cousin's place & they would make her laugh until she forgot why she was angry. But then, they grew up, got jobs & moved to US. No matter how strong their bond was, it ended as their childhood ended.

She grew up knowing that people are temporary. People come, people go. Maybe that's why she never fought hard to make someone stay in her life. She was one woman standing & she enjoyed the view with no one in sight. At that moment, she had become so strong that nothing would make her cry & nothing would take her guard down. She had to be a warrior, all the time, with no breaks.

Until next time,

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