Friday, 28 June 2019

You're Not Alone. (Diary Logs)

Hi All! This is an important post about mental health written by someone who wants to stay anonymous. Read it. Spread the word. People need to help people. Let's talk & show some love.


I have been thinking about writing this post since some time now. I just didn’t have the right words. And, when you’re writing about something like this, you need the right words. The kind words. The empathetic & healing words. The words which will make others feel connected & more so help them feel a little better, even if it is for 2 minutes. Here I am, for those 2 minutes of feeling human. Not Happy. Not Sad. But, also not alone.

Whenever I think about mental illness, I always find myself off balance. I have anxiety. I have OCD. I have PTSD. I am stressed & sometimes I even suffer from depression. But I am all these things just on borderline. I know that it isn’t critical. I am aware of that. And all this time, because of this reason, I refrained from posting this article. But, when it comes to mental illness, there isn’t a thing as less or more. Instability is instability. Weakness is weakness. And so, I had to write this, because there could be many of you out there who dismiss your own borderline anxiety to care for someone who is critically depressed.

Here I am. I cared for people who had PTSD, who belittled my PTSD to theirs. They belittled my depression to theirs. They belittled my anxiety to theirs. And, at the time, I thought okay, you are suffering much more than I am. You have the right to say that. But, now that I think about it, that was wrong of them to do. Them having suffered more than me should have made them more empathetic to me rather than dismissing my situation. And so, I walked away from them. It’s been a while now & it has taken some time for me to realise this, but it needed to be said.
No matter what you are suffering from, no matter how infinitesimal, no matter how unimportant it may seem to you, please do not dismiss yourself. Please consider your mental health as a priority. No one else knows your mind the way you do. So, take care of it. Stabilise it. Nurture it.

You might keep counting the number of people in the room. It could be at home when the people are constant or could be at work where people keep coming in & going out.
"Is he really not going to use a coaster for that Iced Coffee on his own work desk?"
"Is she really going to eat her food with her hands and then use the same hands to open the bottle of water leaving oily marks all over it?"
Do not dismiss the OCD.

You might get tensed up before meeting your friends even if it’s just a hangout. You might get nervous every single day before a daily work call.
"Why I did I think of hosting a dinner party for 15 people?"
"What if they don’t like the 15 types of food I made keeping in mind all of their likes?"
Do not dismiss the anxiety.

You still could get up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare from something that happened years ago. One tiny incident can take you back to your trauma.
"Why am I not able to get over it already?"
"Why does my past keep cropping up again & again?"
Do not dismiss the PTSD.

Please. Please. Please. If you ask such little questions to yourself a lot during the day, please do not think that you are alone. There could be someone out there who could help you. If you cannot help yourself just yet, seek help from a professional who will make you help yourself soon. Do not dismiss these things which may seem like nothing in the moment. But, when years go by piling up the little questions, it will erupt like a volcano. So, please, the right person is just a call away. Do not dismiss the little things. The little things are more often than not symptoms of mental instability.
Make yourself a priority. Make your physical & mental health of utmost important. Cancel plans that give you a lot of anxiety. Tell the untidy person why the things they do bother you & till what extent. Speak up. Be bold. Reach out. You are not alone.
Until next time,

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